so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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