Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
