so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We named our party play list daddy issues
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
