How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I intend to get homeless drunk
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
