I have demons in me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize