Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
