it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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