Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
