12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
