k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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