I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
