she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize