dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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