why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
