Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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