My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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