there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
