If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I did not marry a roomba.
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