um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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