perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
