Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
