? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
