well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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