you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Terrible idea I love it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
