Non-Jews are for practice
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize