at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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