Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
