Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
