Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
