i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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