I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
