i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
