By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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