I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
