So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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