Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Text me some of your sweat
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
