You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
