Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
