im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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