Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
