the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I love you.
Bad choice
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