you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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