Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
