I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
