I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
