I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
