people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
