Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
