i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We are two peas in an std pod
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
