clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize