Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
