well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When are your genitals available?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
