I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
