Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
