when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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