Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
