May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
