what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
