Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
