Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
