YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
