There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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