what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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