To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
