remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
