I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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