I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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