Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
