Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize