i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
