I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drunk is not a location!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
