hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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