I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
