Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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