Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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